boldness.

24Apr10

We finally purchased our first french press, also known as a press pot or a coffee plunger. The only times I’ve had french press coffee has been with my friend Brett at a coffee shop here in Mpls called Spyhouse – many coffee shops don’t seem to serve french press… so thanks to Brett for introducing me to this secret as well as dark, bold and bitter coffee! I definitely think that this is going to become my preferable choice for a cup of joe – especially on the weekends.

With mug in hand, Mos Def’s black on both sides album playing in the background and rainy weather keeping me indoors – I guess it’s a perfect formula for some blogging. Oh man, have I been putting this off lately. I think about blogging daily, but when push comes to shove and I get home from work, the last thing I want to do sometimes is sit at a computer after I’ve been doing it for 8 hours already.

Lately, I feel like I’m just not connecting with God as much as I’ve known before. I know that my actions, or lack-there-of, are to blame for this. I guess it’s like I have my own standards – it’s not like I don’t talk with God or see God in things on a daily bases, but I don’t have the desire to be with God constantly… Knowing my personality and how I am wired, this type of thing is somewhat normal, where I go through hot/cold phases with things… but with God? How can God fall into the same pattern as my design work, or my desire to exercise, or friendships…

Recently, my perception of the disciples has slowly morphed into more of peer-to-peer understanding, rather than viewing them on a pedestal with celebrity-like status. They walked-with and lived in community with Jesus daily, and still didn’t always believe or have faith. I wonder if Jesus’ own disciples went through hot/cold stages in their spirituality with God or their friendship with Jesus? I bet they did. I also think that if they lived with us present-day, it would be the same story.

OK, so now that we all feel better that even Jesus’ own disciples probably felt distant with God sometimes, do we just accept that this is always going to be an issue? In college, when I felt close to God I would say that I was spiritually-on-fire or on a spiritual-high, and when I didn’t feel dependent on God I would say that I felt spiritually-cold or something alike. I no longer agree with this philosophy, especially as far as the verbiage goes. I guess you could say that I grew-up thinking my spiritual-life differed from my “regular” life – almost like they were two different forms that would occasionally unite when things aligned perfectly… Obviously this is not correct, nor is it a healthy view because God has given us each our own life (singular). Hearing people now days talk about their spiritual-life, as if it’s apart from some sort of other life bothers me – sometimes to the point of making my skin crawl. It’s your life. Period. Spiritual or not. Just one. I know this is slightly hypocritical because I once thought like this, but it’s just so wrong and I feel like it’s got to be really hurtful to God.

Love is honest, humble and truthful. My life has up’s and down’s, it always has and it always will. Everyone experiences highs and lows – regardless of race, religion, social status, etc. Instead of focusing on how I go through these phases where God feels so close sometimes and so distant at others – I should learn what causes me to feel this way and evolve, with the intention of minimizing this distance from God rather than eliminating it completely.

So far, I’ve learned that when I do feel distant from God, this feeling more acts as a reminder  – sometimes seeming from God himself – that I have gone astray from the things that God uses and has given me to see Him and experience His love through! I’ve also noticed that when I have this feeling of distance from God, I usually feel very close to myself, my desires and selfishness.

My glorious God, your flawlessness is exposed to me constantly… even when dealing with problems, your perfection is present and your love rescues me. I know you will never abandon me, I give thanks for drawing me near through love and our unique relationship. Though I feel distant from you at times, I never feel closer to you than when you draw me near again. All praise due to Allah!

peace, kevin.

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One Response to “boldness.”

  1. 1 Matt Honson

    Hey man, good post, I wanna hang out and talk about this, I’ve been going through a lot of the same crap. I’ve got some new shisha so we can hook up the hookah in a good way:) Hit me up!


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