Again, I’m writing this blog with no title, when I’m finished I will make one. I’m sitting on our patio enjoying a beautiful God-given evening. I’m listening to Brother Ali right now and I’m quickly discovering that although he believes in Islam, his music is some of the most spiritually encouraging music to me – and that in it’s self is the essence of God. I would love to describe the setting that I’m a part of right now; I see clouds slowly drifting in a beautiful sky, the sun is slowly setting and spreading an orange and purple haze against the blue – reaching over our balcony is an oxygen giving tree, the temperate is a perfect 72˚ and I have a delightful glass of Argentinian Merlot! (don’t worry, still $3/bottle). As I said before, I’m listening to Brother Ali – and if you don’t appreciate hip hop, hopefully you could at least appreciate beautiful and relevant poetry. At the end of this post I am going to include a link to one of my favorite songs of his, “Begin Here” – did I mention that he has a new album coming out on tuesday, I’m not sure how much sleep I’m going to get in the next couple of days waiting for it. I haven’t posted in a very long time, and that bothers me. I don’t think that there’s a week that goes by that I don’t feel that I’m lacking and have missed-out on the opportunity to blog. God has both blessed me and given me challenges these last few months. I can’t quite describe in words the change that I’ve noticed in my life; my marriage, my friendships and quite frankly – all of my relationships – supernatural or not. It’s scary as hell but it also shows me that God is alive and very real – judge not less he be judged. I want to take a moment of prayer right now: gracious God, creator of everything, thank you for giving me a heart that both beats and that feels – Lord, thank you for truth, thank you for love, and thank you for salvation – Amen. I don’t know which denomination I belong to, I don’t even know if what I believe is necessarily “christian”, I do know that God is alive in me and that God is love and truth. Sometimes truth is hard to swallow – sometimes it hurts to accept truth, but God has blessed us with responsibility. I know that sounds like a chore, but if we meditate on that, we can realize that it only accentuates our purpose! I know that this might seem a bit random, but I really hope that my thoughts don’t get lost. The sun has now fallen and the absence of light is present. But, beauty is also still present. I apologize for my offenses and my pride – I know that my words and actions are daggers to those I care about. Creator of all, I accept your forgiveness for my earthly sins – my pride, my always present selfishness and my ignorance. God, use us as lights, transform the darkness in this world to light and let the truth be revealed in everything. I sin. I struggle daily. If I don’ accept that, I am not allowing truth to be revealed – I am not allowing God… That doesn’t mean that I should continue life sinning and ignorantly being – but I am a finger-print of God, we all are. We cannot reach the Creator if we don’t accept our faults, deliberate or not. I want to live, even though we are fallen men here on earth, that just exposes more truth and that we have a purpose – and that purpose is not ourselves. As always I don’t have the answers, but I know what I don’t want to be – I am reminded that by my actions daily. Please encourage and pray for me, I desperately need it, we all do. I want to end this with a prayer: God, I’m scared – please guide me with wisdom and love, as I mature and age, I begin to realize and think things that I don’t knowhow to handle – don’t abandon me – take me by the hand and take from me what you must to bring Glory to you.


3 Responses to “truth”

  1. 1 Jacquelyn

    i know what i don't want to be and i'm reminded by my actions daily as well. each morning, i ask God to humble me and to show me what he wants for me and this day. otherwise, it's all about me. it's about meeting my needs. about making me comfortable. about pleasing me. it's easy to be selfish. it's easy to pretend we have it all together. it's hard to put others first and to love them because they are God's. we often love with a conditional love. but God's love is UNconditional. i will pray for you kevin. i will pray for us all to trust his leading and to be confident in knowing that he will guide us and lead us if we ask him to take our hand.

  2. 2 kev

    "we often love with a conditional love. but God's love is UNconditional." That's a pretty huge thing to wrap our heads around. I think that we love with conditional love because sadly it's all we know/experienced. I know that I personally, don't even accept that God's love is unconditional, I've made-up a God that shows conditional love just like me. It's like I can't accept a God that is bigger than what my mind can fathom. Hmmm, that reminds me of one of my favorite As Cities Burn songs(

  3. 3 Jacquelyn

    conditional love is all we know, but God offers so much more. i know we can't really understand it or even fathom it, but it humbles me to think that it exists and he wants to extend it to ME, of all people. God is not like us. He doesn't hold grudges or keep a score card of how many times we've messed up. i think he feels sadness when we do mess up, but he waits for us to realize we've made a mistake, and we need him. then he wipes the slate clean again. WE don't do that. we hold on to things. we get frustrated. we choose not to trust people, or we hold their wrongs against them. i think God can teach us a lot about how to treat others, but i don't think we can even begin to show others grace and love if we can't even accept that God himself IS love. try reading through the psalms. there is promise after promise of God's unfailing, unconditional love for us.

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