God is alive, can you feel him?

17Jun09

Last night, for the first time in a long time, I talked with God. I was in the sauna late night at the gym we go to, sitting alone in a dim room that smelled of pine. My body glistening from the heat, I enjoy sweating out the toxins in my body. There’s an interesting parallel and metaphor that I feel about my body sweating and the dark that is within me. This winter I would use this time in the sauna for prayer when I would go to the gym. It felt good to be back in this routine, and it felt good to give all my attention to God. I’ve never been one to have stories about God “speaking” to me or one to have “visions”. I’m also one who uses great discretion crediting God when “coincidences” happen. I feel like we try to control what and how God communicates with us. There’s a grey area between what is our own psychological jargon and what is from the Holiest of Holies. With that being said, I have had several coincidences happen lately that make me feel deep in my bones, that God is alive in me! The feeling that I have is true love, I know this because my works and deeds have played no role in this. Tonight I gave blood for the first time in my life. I am an extremely sqweemish person and I can’t stand my own pulse, getting my blood pressure taken, needles, etc. My friends at work have been encouraging me to give blood for quite sometime. I wasn’t planning on doing it, then at 4:30pm I decided at the last minute just to do it. First let me just say that I think our DNA is incredible and it is just another example of God’s perfection. The fact that DNA is so complex, every life depends on it and that we are able to give transfusions to eachother, I’m speechless. Let me also say that I am not the new spokes person for this, because it was not a comfortable experience for me, and it won’t be easy the next time I do it as everyone promised me. But that’s good, let me be put outside of my comfort zone for the benefit of others. Right before the nurse inserted the needle (deep breath…), she asked me if I am a praying person, with which I replied “Yes I am.” She said good, feel free to pray right now, I just prayed for you. [Woooooooshhh…] This warm, calming feeling fell over me. Thank you I told her, you saying that makes me feel more calm. She then asked if I was a Christian. I said yes but then told her I don’t really like that term and I don’t really feel that it correctly defines my faith. She then said something that I have randomly experienced other times in my life. She told me she could tell the second that I walked in the door that I was (a christian). I didn’t quite know how to respond, but I’ve been thinking about it all evening and I am so happy that God has responded to my prayer. Last night I asked that if I serve but only one purpose my entire life, I pray that God use me as a vehicle and that he make himself known in me. I prayed that when I talk, my words stay deep in my throat and that his words are at the front of my lips. I asked God to use me for His glory! I believe that darkness is the absence of light and that God somehow uses me, us, his creation to be lightness in the dark, whether we’re aware of it or not. In everywhere we look, in everyone we meet, in every blade of grass – Allah, Allah, Allah! God is present my friends, let us embrace him and and faithfully pray that he use us to be the light in this very dark world. Oh by the way, how amazing is it that God used the nurse tonight to be light and communicate to me… I also found out that she goes to the Lien’s church, Substance.

(I was listening to Mayday parade until it quit half way through this post)

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