spring is here, let us rejoice!

30Mar09

Well, it has been a very long time since I have posted anything on here. Which sucks, because part of the reason why I wanted to have a blog was so I could express myself through writing, but, just like everything in my life, I drop it for a while and get lazy – I HATE it, it’s like a disease. That is something that I would really like to start working hard at, sticking with things and not being so lazy in certain aspects of my life. So, Spring is here! I have bought a new wheel set and some other parts for my road bike and just put it all together this weekend, I can’t wait to ride my bike, I am going to ride a lot this season, and that’s a promise. I’m really excited to get a group of us together and go for a late night bike ride, that was fun last summer/fall. I am also very excited for disc golf, I played today, and although I didn’t do well at all (+5 at Rosland) I still had such a great time being outside, breathing in the brisk air and talking with Zach. I really want this Spring to be a time in my life of growth, I want to bear fruit like the trees, who have been patiently waiting for winter to leave and for the warm spring air and beautiful sun to rescue them, re-energizing them! I have such a strong feeling in my heart, something is brewing, and I feel like I know what it is, and that it is God communicating with me. I also feel like I have a desire to be ignorant about it and continue on with life at the current pace, which, is not how I want to live nor is it how we were designed to live. Rejuvinate me, my God. When I turn my back, let the bright sun and the greens of this earth encourage me and direct me back to you! I know you will never desert me, but please God, guide and encourage me. I feel like the older I get, the more uncertain I become about my beliefs, the purpose of life and the person that God made me. I know I’ve talked about this a bit with Jake, and I think this change can be a great thing, a way in which we mature and learn from our experiences – but, I also think, it can be a bad thing. Now that we are adults, starting our own families and making all the decisions, we don’t just accept things as easily as we used to, which can be dangerous. For me, it definitely opens a window for darkness to seep in. But it also excites me to know that I am not just agreeing with something because my parents or church told me, etc. (which I was never conscious that I did growing up, but it was also healthy and natural to take comfort in their beliefs, which then became mine, then). Sometimes when I start to think about how my views have/are/will be changing, I start to feel really … alone. I begin to think if anyone has the same views as me, if my views are very wrong, if they are hurtful to my God, etc. I begin to over analize it, and then I’m afraid that, maybe the reason that Loran agrees with so many of my thoughts/beliefs/revelations is because… I’ve brain washed her? Maybe I have influenced her against her personal beliefs without either of us being aware of it. I do know, that whenever I feel alone, or that I am unsure where I stand with certain topics, etc, I can always take comfort in knowing that God knows my heart, and my intentions behind my beliefs, whether they are correct and uplift Him or wrong and hurt Him – and just the fact that I am NOT doing this ‘behind his back’, the fact that he is all knowing, gives me peace. Thank you God for loving me and making me your child, one who questions everything from his own faith and purpose to who you really are and why you let people suffer so much. Let this spring be a time of refreshed, positive energy. Growth! Let the dead branches fall off and be gone with the winter, and let God’s creations flurish.

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One Response to “spring is here, let us rejoice!”

  1. 1 Jake Ladd

    Don’t stop questioning and searching buddy!Your not alone


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